Meet Brandi and Lawrence: Gay Best Friends Who Had a Baby Together
Brandi J. Andrews, Lawrence Carroll and Blu Nyle want media to showcase a more inclusive range of family structures. As Gay best friends who decided to have a baby together, their story proves there is no such thing as too much love when it comes to building a family.
Lawrence Carroll, Brandi J. Andrews, Hartley, and Blu Nyle. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
As part of REP CO’s mission to disseminate and elevate the stories of our subjects, we are proud to partner with MOTHER on the publication of this piece. You can find this story, as well as so many others over on their site!
Brandi J. Andrews and Lawrence Carroll were close friends who met working at one of L.A.’s most popular LGBTQ+ bars, The Abbey. It was during a lull in a Sunday shift when the idea of starting a family together casually came up. Today, nearly four years later, the committed, loving parents are raising their adorable son Hartly in a beautiful, blended family that includes Brandi and Lawrence, and Brandi’s partner Blu Nyle. Click through the slideshow below to meet them all and hear about the challenges, advantages, and surprises that come with starting a family with your best friend.
Tell us about how you met and became best friends.
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “We met randomly in Downtown L.A. and realized that we recognized each other from working at The Abbey. We became instant friends and soon after became roommates.”
When did the topic of having a baby first come up?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “It came up rather casually on a Sunday shift while we were at work. We talked for about an hour about the basics before the rush and shook hands on it.”
Lawrence Carroll and Hartley. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
What was the process like of actually getting pregnant?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “The first step in our journey was going to the fertility specialist and getting all of our bloodwork and other necessities completed. We then found out that Lawrence, being a gay man, was seen legally unfit to donate sperm or blood. There would have been a lengthy process of then signing documents and legal papers saying that I would willfully accept his sperm, but that it would also take longer to quarantine, and he still wouldn’t be considered the father legally. We then decided to try the at-home kit by Mosie Baby. The process was easy, as well as sterile, and we got pregnant on the first try. We felt super blessed to have a pretty decent pregnancy journey. We exed out the middle person telling us how we could make a family and did it our way.”
What were your biggest challenges or concerns of having a baby together?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “Just like any other parent we have the same challenges and concerns. But our situation tends to flow easier than most because we are not romantically involved.”
Did you know from the get-go that you wanted to document your journey publicly (via 9 Months With Courtney Cox)?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “Not at all. We had our own videos of our process because we were intending on starting a Youtube channel and then Courtney Cox came along and made things so much easier for us to share our story.”
Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
Can you recall those moments and feelings of first meeting Hartley?
BRANDI: “I was actually the first person to touch Hartley. My OB told me to give her my hands and she put both my hands around Hartley and I pulled him out and onto my chest. It was a very magical and unforgettable moment.”
LAWRENCE: “I just remember how much peace he brought us. When they put him onto the table to check him, he looked at me like he knew like I was his father. It was like instant best friends.”
Were you both living together when Hartley arrived, or did co-parenting happen from two different homes?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “We were both living together before Hartley arrived. We took that time to start mapping out what our parental agreement would look like.”
Did you have to set up a co-parenting schedule when Hartley was a baby? What about now that he's a toddler?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “We run on spreadsheets and calendars. We make sure to have thorough communication and check in weekly about schedules, budgets, bills and other things that make our household work.”
Lawrence Carroll, Hartley, and Brandi J. Andrews. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
How old is Hartley now and what is he most into?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “Hartley is currently 2 years old and he loves puzzles, music, dancing and has a huge love for all things automobile and automotive.”
What would you both say makes you most excited about parenthood?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “Watching his growth and development and experiencing all his firsts with him. Observing his personality develop has been so fulfilling. He’s such his own little person and it's awesome getting to learn from him.”
What makes you the most nervous?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “We think that it’s more our expectations as parents that makes us the most nervous. We want to make sure that we are providing for him and giving him the right environment for him to thrive. Thankfully we have a good base around us that we can lean on anytime we’re too hard on ourselves.”
How has your relationship as best friends changed after becoming parents?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “It has caused us to realize that there are more forms of intimacy than we knew. We are definitely closer and have gained so much knowledge about each other, while continuing to push each other to not only be better for our son but for ourselves as well.”
Any advice for other best friends considering having a baby together?
BRANDI AND LAWRENCE: “Creating a parental agreement is key. Communicate as much as possible and put your needs, wants, desires, and expectations on paper. Be open to hearing the other person's side and if you can’t agree on something, talk it out until you find a happy medium. Be open to cooperating and compromising. It’s not just about you, it’s about what’s best for your child.”
Blu Nyle, Hartley, and Brandi J. Andrews. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
How has it been transitioning to co-motherhood for you over the past year?
BLU: “It's been beautiful and challenging. Coming into this family dynamic has stretched me as a person. I’m learning to be less rigid and willing to jump and trust that the net will appear. I love Hartley so much and i'm honored to be his bonus mom.”
What have been the most beautiful highlights of Hartley entering your life?
BLU: “The joy of laughing and playing with Hartley is priceless. We have our jokes and have developed such a strong relationship. I love him!! The challenging part has been having less time with Brandi but I understand and focus more on myself. I've learned major lessons and our family dynamic has been transformative in the very best way.”
What has been the biggest hurdle for you in entering this dynamic copartenting situation?
BLU: “Honestly...LOL..I’ve had to let go of the visions I had in my head about how my life would look. That was pretty difficult.”
Blu Nyle, Brandi J. Andrews, and Hartley. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
Tell us about what you are all currently up to professionally.
BRANDI: “I am currently working as a skin educator for Paul Mitchell Schools. They have brought me on to educate all their future professionals on a positive culture ethic as well as providing a vast knowledge of how to work with BIPOC and LGBTQ+ skin and hair. I am also working on opening a salon/spa that focuses on BIPOC and natural hair care and skin treatments.”
LAWRENCE: “ I’m a business publicist working with both large and small businesses and non-profit organizations across multiple markets in the United States, helping them obtain earned media. This year, I’m publishing my second book My Dear King encouraging young boys and men to understand the importance of mental wellness, along with re-publishing my first book My Dear Queen—encouraging young girls and women of color to celebrate and love their hair.”
BLU: “I am working as an actor and writer. I’m currently working on publishing my first book. I am building my coaching business. I am a Reiki master, yoga teacher and transformation coach. I am a renaissance artist and evolving in Spirituality and entertainment.”
How has the pandemic affected your life when it comes to your career?
BRANDI: “The pandemic has completely shut down my career and it’s a sad thing to see. To be in an industry for the last 20-plus years and then to have selfish people in power shut a billion dollar industry down that is licensed in sanitation hurts. Some people think that the beauty industry is about vainity but in reality what they don’t see is the numerous hours spent with people, working 40-plus hours of manual labor and still not receiving health benefits or any benefits for that matter. It hurts, but I know that we are standing together and fighting for our right to be seen in a different light.”
LAWRENCE: “Besides the obvious of having to work from home and no longer having an office, it’s been a very abrupt lifestyle change. I no longer have my ‘reprieve’ if you will to separate my job and my home. Also having to wear the hats of both dad and career man at all hours of the day is taxing. But everything in life is temporary and I get to spend more time with our son.”
Lawrence Carroll and Hartley. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
BLU: “Absolutely blasted me into expansion. As a teacher, I had to adapt and teach on Zoom. I teach yoga, meditation, and writing. It was difficult and draining but I learned to put my self care first. As an entertainer, it jacked my whole vibe. I went from auditioning, performorming and working on set...to stay at home and wait. It has taught me patience and to let go or be dragged. LOL, I choose to trust. Thank you 2020.”
Has this time made you think about "home" and "family" differently?
BRANDI: “For me it actually showed me how we have had no time to actually spend time with our families. We were all so consumed with work and making ends meet that actual quality family time was non existent. Now I feel like our home and our family are set in a more solid place with more understanding of what we want out of our family dynamic.”
LAWRENCE: “I’ve awakened to allowing myself to get ‘back to the basics’ with my family; enjoying the little things like walks through the neighborhood, virtual game night with extended family, making more conscious efforts to communicate frequently with those I love. Family has always been important but making the time to show my family how important they are to me has been the result of pandemic life.”
BLU: “It's made me really grateful for my chosen family.”
Lawrence Carroll, Brandi J. Andrews, Hartley, and Blu Nyle. Photographed by Morgan Pansing.
In addition to the pandemic, 2020 has been intense in so many ways—growing racial inequity, police violence, the election, etc. What are some things that you are taking away from 2020?
BRANDI: “Black Lives Matter!”
LAWRENCE: “Wear A Mask!”
BLU: “Times Up!”
How do you think the media can do a better job of representing and celebrating all different types of family structures?
EVERYONE: “By actually putting forth the effort to be inclusive and allowing for honest representation to have a seat at the table.”